Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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