where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
