Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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