I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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