I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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