Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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