well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
