Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
