I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
