I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I got her a Nickelback box set.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
