So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
my liver is dry heaving
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
