I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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