So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The Olympian is in my bed
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