You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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