Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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