How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
