Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize