Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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