I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
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He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
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That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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