and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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