every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
NoShamevember. You game?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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