i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
