Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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