it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We have started to decorate penises.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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