Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
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So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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