I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
