Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
