dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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