But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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