The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
