I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sext me about skeletons
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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