oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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