have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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