i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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