you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
