well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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