No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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