he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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