it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
