I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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