Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
