woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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