I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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