the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
