I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm going to jail i love you
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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