I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
