I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
