What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
