I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
