I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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