I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
