there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize