yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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