so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
