no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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