I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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