Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
