my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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