There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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