got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
