very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
