just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
