Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
