who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
