The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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