arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
