Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
