whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I am available for nakedness
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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