i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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