If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
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My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
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Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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