we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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