i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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