how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
