she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We named our party play list daddy issues
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
